Tappanga and StrawGirl pride themselves on their (non-existent) insider status with Taylor’s crew. They spend an inordinate amount of time kissing up to Bill Will in particular and his brother Wes. Now, let’s see: Are they Bill’s buddies, as they claim to be?

Um, definitely NOT after he gets wind of the following sample of how deranged conspiracist StrawGirl views his relationship with Taylor. Yup, we’ve got the goods: An excerpt of top secret fan fic that Straw wrote and posted at TMS.

According to Straw: Taylor is gay and Bill is his bottom. And–well, we’ll let you see for yourselves. I double dare you to read this and not gag. You have been warned. Seriously. Without further ado, here is StrawGirls masterpiece “Bill’s Keeper.” – Junebu

Taylor had told Bill many times to keep that part of their
relationship hidden. If the fans found out about it, things would go
downhill quickly. It was very hard for Bill to keep his feelings in
check, but if he didn’t, Taylor would find little ways to make him
pay.

About an hour after lunch, Bill was summoned to Taylor’s bunk.

“Hey Taylor. Did you want me?”

“Don’t hey me, you know what I need.”

Taylor sat up on the edge of the bed, wearing just his briefs……

WARNING: ONLY CLICK IF YOU CAN STOMACH THIS. IT IS SOME OF THE MOST TWISTED, DEMENTED, DISGRACEFUL GARBAGE YOU WILL EVER READ. IT’S RANCID AND IT IS WHAT THEY DO AND THINK ON TMS AND TRY TO KEEP HIDDEN. WE APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR HAVING TO POST THIS, BUT IT’S TIME THE TRUTH CAME OUT. JUST KNOW WE WARNED YOU!!!!!!!!

TMS really loves and respects Taylor! Can ya tell for realz?

These deranged women pretend to be big, huge supporters of Tay, but behind closed doors THIS is what they are really about. This type of material should NEVER be allowed on a Taylor fan site. It’s time TayTay, friends and fans are aware.

TMS Mod/Admin Trolls: next time you decide to make up a revenge blog for personal vendettas, lie about having inside info, bait fans, act like you’re not running it, and pretend to be big fans in hopes of gaining some “powah” in the name of your love for Taylor — think twice and get a wee bit smarter.

Uh oh. Eat your computers, roll in your graves, have convulsions. We just can’t resist: More crow.

Holy shit!

We don’t feel that we need to leave comments open and discuss this matter any longer. We’ve discussed it for a pretty long time and it seems Radar has taken this over themselves, so we ask that you take posts and commentary to that site.

Hicks’ crazy actions make a lot of sense now. He got himself in a bad situation, freaked, and then felt he had to cover it up with an “image friendly” fake world that ended up being an even worse situation. Must have been pretty stressful. Imagine being forced to hang out with Caroliar Lieders? Capital punishment to the umpteenth degree!

If you don’t have him on a pedestal, chances are, this revelation won’t bother you anyway and you’ll find the humor in it - because frankly, well, it’s freakin’ hilarious!

Hicks is talented, that’s not going to change, but hopefully he’ll decide to cut the “famous asshole years” short.

Support music, not lies.

MFOYA. So out. Signing off.

Click the Photo.

• Lois Gibson also confirmed the identity of the famous Kissing Sailor photograph in Time. She also helped identify “Baby Grace.” She was shown the body of a decomposed child found in the river and based on the baby’s facial structure drew a picture of what she would look like. The picture was so right on on that her grandmother in another state identified the baby as her granddaughter. DNA tests confirmed. She’s worked for the FBI and has been featured on Oprah, Larry King, CNN, Dateline, etc. She believes in exposing the truth, whether it’s about a trivial 2 woman fluff piece or a terrible crime.

• Lois Gibson analyzed all the original photos from Splash News and the ones of CL from Pacific Coast News and conclusively stated that those are undoubtedly two women.

• Radar credited MFOYA for the photos they used on their site because those photos (including the ones with lines) were pulled from THIS site.

(courtesy of Radar and Lois Gibson)

The woman on the beach is not, was not, and will never be Caroline Lyders. Caroline Lyders is a fake and a fraud. She pretended to be Taylor Hicks’ fake girlfriend. This was nothing but a ruse. A fake romance. The sham that was a stupid idea all around - too stupid to even believe at first. But it never changed the fact that it was the truth. It is unfortunate that Taylor Hicks’ so-called fans are so judgmental that he felt he must charade around with a careerist doppelganger to avoid losing them.

That’s right! You heard it first here at MFOYA! The Official Anti-Sham Headquarters!

Inside sources have 100% confirmed that Caroliar Lieders is history! And the sham has been kicked to the curb! Apparently some kind of divine intervention visited Hicks in his sleep or something and he has come to his senses and gotten rid of that gum on his shoe/albatross around his neck/thorn in his side/black cloud over his head/heifer on his back/giraffe in his way–once and for all!

We’ve been told the sham is officially kaput and Caroline Lyders must now fend for herself in the jungle (AKA find that job on her own without pretending to be the fake girlfriend of some famous guy she’s latched onto for publicity. Um, good look to ya. Seriously.)

It seems the summer sightings were orchestrated to make sure people would never question the true identity of the woman on the beach and seal out any doubts.  OK we can understand that. However the last “sightings” were because Hicks made a deal with yet another devil.  Lyders has been conniving hard for that anchor job in Washington DC and for the other in Boston.  Now that we think about it, the sprouting of MFOYA is Lyders fault.  See what happens when you get greedy?  You get caught.

Here’s to a Sham Free 2008 and a new chapter!

Check out the latest issue of Radar - the Jan/Feb issue out in news stands now.

Radar did get one thing wrong however, the part about digitally elongating the legs - in reality, the The Sham Patrol planted one close up photo of Caroline Lyders face (and supernatural neck) in the Splash News Agency. This was done to create the illusion that it was all the same woman. What a good idea!

Various people have reported seeing the Mystery Blond with Taylor Hicks in a casino in Pala, San Diego on the morning of May 7, 2007. In fact, Hicks’ stage manager and spokesperson, Ted Cognata, has said repeatedly that Lyders was in Pala, San Diego. For those who don’t know, Cognata, was the also same person that send out an odd email to Hicks’ fan base naming the woman on the beach as Lyders.

Radar has confirmed that Lyders was LIVE on air in Milwaukee, WI on the morning of May 7, 2007.

What we found especially interesting about this Radar article, was Hicks and Lyders’ refusal to respond such a straightforward question. Something Radar clearly found odd as well. “Strangely, Lyders and pals of Hicks declined to comment on rumors.” And of course, “Reached by phone, Hicks refused to confirm or deny, adding “I have a plane to catch.”

If it’s not true, why not just say so? The problem is, it’s all true.

When trying to get to the bottom of a switching women fake girlfriend scam (since that happens all the time!) the placement of features is a no-brainer. As we’ve mentioned before Lyders has ears that sit extremely low on her head.

Check it out:

In this photo Lyders is tilting her head up and still her ears are unusually low when compared to Beachie.

Here is a very accurate comparison shot. Nose to nose, mouth to mouth and smiling. Ears place completely in different positions.

Maybe it’s the moving sandbar?

Conclusion: The top of Lyders’ ear hits the corner of her eyes and the bottom hits the middle of her mouth. The top of Beachie’s ears meets the TOP of her eyebrows and the bottom of her ears meets the tip of her nose. That is a huge difference in ear placement. Almost 2cm apart.

When viewed in direct profile with no tilt - the same person does not have these “inconsistencies.” If you really want to have fun, go find some profile pictures of the same person and do this little trick…well, that’s if you want to know the truth…

Guess what beach this is?

That’s right, folks! It’s the exact hotel beach Hicks was caught on with the unidentified blond. The same beach with the mystery moving sandbars and magical growth sand!

Mr Paparazzi was hiding in those bushes back there using his high-powered zoom lens. This is a quiet beach with very few people on it and behind the bushes is all private property. His only logical reason for being on this beach at this particular hotel would be if he had a prearranged “appointment.” As you can see he moved positions quite a few times.

Now. On to business. No lines necessary.

Beachie is almost as tall as Taylor. Her thigh is almost as long as Taylor’s, which only confirms her tall height. She’s stepping forward which means she’s even slightly taller than what she appears.

Now look at this photo and laugh:

Now that you’ve stopped laughing, notice how small Lyders’ head is. And uh, notice how freaking short she is. The difference is drastic and ginormous.

Oops….

Let the denial begin!

American Idol, Taylor Hicks has swept a lot of people into his lies, the public, the media, his fans, even friends and family. This whole cover was so intricate that people are stunned he could do such a thing. As reported, Caroline Lyders and Hicks even staged fake outings and tipped off paparazzi.
When the Sham Patrol staged the NYC photoshoot (pictures can be seen on PacificCoastNews.com) they made sure to cover all the tiny little details, such as putting Lyders in the same kind of shirt and flip flops as the Beach Woman, and also filling in some moles on Lyders which were apparent on the Beach Girl.

Do you think that’s nuts?

Well, given the extremes that they’ve gone, not really. They have been incredibly detailed and if you want to pass off two women as the same, you have to be.

The first thing someone is going to look for is: do they have the same moles and little details? The Beach Girl has a lot of moles, everywhere. Upper body, neck, interior legs, etc.

If these NYC photos were not staged, and instead were just candid shot of Lyders last year (before she took part in the sham), then markings would be very important. But since they knew these photos were being taken, focusing on those details is useless. Things like moles and markings are easily to duplicate, what is impossible to duplicate is body height and facial structure.

The idea is to fool people into thinking it’s the same person. We already know she is not, we know it for a fact (now confirmed by forensic expert Lois Gibson) — so obviously what we’re looking for is things that they MISSED-not things that they covered.

That is where the birthmark is important. They missed it.

The Beach Woman has an unusually large birthmark on her inner left ankle. It shows up darker in some photos depending on the lighting and shade, and it seems have blond hair on it as well.

In this photo above you can see the pigment pretty easily.

Due to the shade here, it’s really obvious.

Here you can only see the hair on the marking, it’s difficult to see the actual mark, which means the birthmark is obviously more noticeable from the front side, of her leg, not the back. This is useful information because now we know that any photo of Lyders front inner angle leg should show a birthmark (if she was the same person).

Again very obvious. You can also see she’s got a lot of little moles on her legs.

Here the pigment is less obvious, but the hair on the mark is very noticeable. The birthmark is rightabove the ankle bone.

This photo is grainy due to the light, but you can see it’s missing on Lyders ankle. How could this be?

Maybe Caroline got it removed? Oh wait, you can’t remove birthmarks. They’re with you for life… and they’re what PROVES two different people. Also notice how small Lyders’ ankles are in comparison. The women have entirely different body types. The Mystery Blond is tall and muscular and worked out. Lyders’ is short, petite and very, very small boned.

Click here to check out the massive height difference.

Also, when trying to get to the bottom of a switching women fake girlfriend scam (since that happens all the time!) the placement of features is a no-brainer.

During an email conversation with one of Caroline Lyders’ friends, they said she is known for wearing turtlenecks because she’s extremely self-conscious of her unusually long neck.

If Lyders keeps wanting to assume the identity of the Beach Girl, she should consider collagen and braces.

The following photos have straight lines to clearly show the difference in placement.

Here they are compared nose to nose, mouth to mouth.

Conclusion: The top of Lyders’ ear hits the corner of her eyes and the bottom hits the middle of her mouth. The top of Beachie’s ears meets the TOP of her eyebrows and the bottom of her ears meets the tip of her nose. That is a huge difference in ear placement. Almost 2cm apart.

Lyders also has a very strong jawline, while Beachie has soft features and a rounded or square jaw.

When viewed in direct profile with no tilt - the same person does not have these “inconsistencies.” If you really want to have fun, go find some profile pictures of the same person and do this little trick.

The woman on the beach is also around 5′9. Caroline Lyder is 5′3-5′4

Beach girl is almost as tall as Taylor. Her thigh is almost as long as Taylor’s, which only confirms her tall height. She’s stepping forward which means she’s even slightly taller than what she appears.

Now look at this photo and laugh:

The difference in height is drastic.

Again you can see the Beach Girl is almost as tall as Hicks.

Radar has recently reported that the woman on the beach was actually a high-class escort, which would explain this insane charade.

He didn’t?

ra·tion·al·ize [rash-uh-nl-ahyz, rash-nl-ahyz] verb, -ized, -iz·ing.

to invent explanations for acts, opinions, etc., that are actually based on other causes: They tried to defend the man in question so it would appear that he was not guilty of lying, it was obvious they were just rationalizing.

What do you think? “It depends on what the meaning of the words ‘is’ is.”

As RADAR reported, is was speculated in the past that the staged photos of Lyders & Hicks might have been photoshopped due to Hicks’ thumb/hand looking unusually mangled in the one photo Hicks’ camp released. (They’ve faked sightings & girlfriends why not fake photos too?) However, once we got access to the rest of the images from the shoot and it was clear they were just “staged” and not photoshopped — we made a correction; that was on  11/16/07.  (The photos can be found on pacificcoastnews.com)

The “Sham Patrol” has been pretending that Caroline Lyders was the woman on the beach in Maui with Taylor Hicks in May 2007 - at the time the media did not question it - because who is ballsy enough to pull something like this? Taylor Hicks apparently. Thanks to some inside sources with big mouths, and some major discrepancies between the two women and the story they attempted to sell, we know this is a twisted (pointless) cover-up concocted by Hicks’ camp.

Here’s a photo of Hicks and the Mystery Blonde. Beachie is almost as tall as Hicks. Her thigh is almost as long as Hicks - which only confirms her height. She’s stepping forward - which means she’s even slightly taller than what she appears.

Now look at this photo of Caroline Lyders:

Now that you’ve stopped laughing, notice how small Lyders’ head and body is and how short she is. The difference is drastic. This is consistent in every single photo.

Again, Lyders and Hicks during their staged NYC outing. Hector Vallenilla was the paparazzi “sent out” to take these shots.

Hicks and the Mystery Blonde walking in the water. Both are standing up straight. Unfortunately, the sand isn’t magical growth sand that only affects the female in the photo. And sorry, she’s not standing on coral or a step ladder. She’s TALL.

Here are some photos of Lyders with lines drawn through them for comparisons:

This is from Good Morning America. During this conversation they joked about how short Caroline is compared to Robin Roberts who has stated in various interviews that she stands at 5′10. Lyders herself says she is short in this excerpt. In this photo it is unknown if Lyders is wearing heels or not. One can assume she is since it is a professional environment. She looks to be approximately 5′4.

This Amazon Goddess Beach Woman is long limbed, tall, with legs that don’t stop. And sorry Hicks’ - she ain’t no news anchor! Furthermore, 5′3 women don’t have these kinds of legs. We guarantee Lyders’ body looks nothing like this in a bikini, and we also guarantee she throughly enjoyed taking credit for it.

Note how difficult it is to see the beach womans face in all these photos –the only reason this cover worked for as long as it did.

We’re not naturally “conspiracy theorists” - but this info had been leaked out and the switch-a-roo was too interesting to pass up. There’s too many physical differences between these two women which would make them different people that just look similar. There’s also too many conflicting stories. Simply put, Lyders can’t be on air at 6:00am on May 7th in Milwaukee, while she’s partying at 2am on May 7th in a Pala, CA casino with Hicks.

Be sure to read our ABOUT page.

Next time anyone wants to pull a switcharoo fake-girlfriend sham - ya’ll need to consult MFOYA and MFOYA will teach you how to make it seem “real!”The following is a list of pertinent “do’s” and “don’ts:Rule #1 - DO find a replacement that you can stand. That way when photographs are taken, you can seem remotely interested!

Rule #2 - DON’T have your buddy escort the replacement to the side of the stage at each show so you can have the “official sighting”. Let it be “coincidental” and “natural”.Rule #3 - DO make sure the current boyfriend doesn’t have pictures of the “alleged ex” all over his myspace shrine. He should seem a little more “scorned” since he was supposed to be cheated on. Doy! And lose the “press release” for crying out loud!

Rule #4 - DO make sure the current boyfriend can keep his break up dates straight. Telling people you moved in with her in May and broke up two months later would mean you broke up in July. Oops.

Rule #5 - DO make sure the live-in boyfriend doesn’t suddenly post pictures of his “current” 5 story apartment as a way to prove he doesn’t live with her just because you’ve recently been outed! Innocent people don’t need a defense dude. And ya gotta be more creative then that. Maybe a fake lease?

Rule #6 - DO make sure when you plant a fake sighting at a restaurant - that the restaurant manager is in on the sham. That way when people call to double check, the manager will know to say you were there!

Rule #7 - DO make sure crew members don’t insinuate foul play! You can’t trust people when you’re pulling a sham!

This is the photo that MFOYA refused to publish when requested by Taylor’s Sham Patrol President Bill Will, because they were so scary fake. Yes, it’s true they tried their best to make it look like this picture came from the Splash Maui shots…but failed terribly. Hello people, wrap your brains around this: Caroline Lyders actually put on the same bikini as the Unidentified Blonde on the beach and had photographs taken of herself so people would think she was her. Is this insane, twisted, weird shit, or what!?

We didn’t want to release this because it buries them even more. The idea here was not to make them look like complete idiots, but to put an end to the charade. Now they look like complete idiots. Oh well. Let’s party.

Ain’t it funny…the Splash photographer couldn’t get a close up photo of the Beach Blonde (the closer the shot the more $$$ he makes) yet suddenly out of nowhere this close up photo appears! (Like we said it would!) And it’s:

One that the Splash News site does not own.

One that did not exist in May 2007.

Golly. Isn’t that strange? This new shot, based on the camera angle, looks like it has been taken off of a boat with Caroline swimming in a deep pool of water wearing the same bikini as the Beach Blonde. This shot was created to throw people off. It didn’t work. Even more differences are apparent now.

Just for reference here’s the link where Splash stores their photos… gee the fake pic isn’t there! I wonder why? Oh that’s right! Because it’s not from there.

Big boo boos on why this sorry ass attempt didn’t work:

1. Lyders is wearing makeup.
2. Lyders has a full tan with a deep red color in her face, which the Marine did not have after being there for 1 day.
3. Lyders has different hair color when wet.
4. Lyders has her long (giraffe) neck.
5. Lyders has crooked teeth.
6. Lyders has eyebrows that are only half there
7. Lyders is not the Blonde on the beach and the photos make that even more obvious.
8. The Sham Patrol admitted guilt by creating this new photo and releasing it. This was a defense strategy that innocent people wouldn’t need. Period.

Gee, who’s who? This image was created to show you what Caroliar’s actual head would look like on The Marine’s body. Caroliar has a small skull fit for a small petite frame. The Marine has a bigger skull fit for the muscular body. The size of the heads is in perfect alignment to the size of each of their ears to give the most realistic picture. Anyone with photoshop skills can do the same thing and will come up with the same measurements. One head fits the body it was made for, the other does not.

And just to have some more fun, here’s some teeth shots:

Photo from Splash News/Star Magazine

Above the Unidentified Blonde aka Marine has nice big, straight white teeth.

Here it is! This is the Fake Maui photo created by the Sham Patrol! The woman in the picture is Caroline Lyders wearing the same bikini as the blonde on the beach in Maui with Hicks. They are trying to say this came from Splash News. Not. These photos are as fake as the fake girlfriend Taylor Hicks has.

Check out Lyders’ little crooked teeth, hmm sure don’t look like the pearly whites that belong to the Marine:

Hello eyebrows…hello teeth…hello our noses are different…hello one has dimples…hello two different evil people… Meet The Giraffe and The Marine.

We thought we’d take a small break to decode the hilarious and infamous bogus email sent out by Alltheanswers aka Ted - another member of the Sham Patrol.

Once the Sham Patrol decided Caroline Lyders’ would be playing The Unidentified Beach Girl, they got the ball rolling by sending the following email, this was a calculated move intended to lead the Soul Patrol right to her doorstep.

Now, let’s use our brains here (which I know many people with heads up their asses don’t like to do) — but why the hell would Ted Cognata, Taylor’s personal friend and one time-employee, ever lead the crazy-ass fans to the doorstep of any “real” romantic partner of Taylor? He wouldn’t. Unless he wanted the relationship to last about 3.2 seconds. This was the biggest red flag that screamed FAKE FAKE FAKE!! Even dumb people thought this was strange. Because if it was “real” Taylor would protect the womans privacy.

However, when that email from Ted came out it was requested to be posted on every single fan site ASAP. Hmmm. Why’s that? Because this was a game of –we’ll identify the The Unidentified Blonde (aka The Beach Marine) before she identifies herself. They edged her out. She deserved it surely, so we don’t feel bad for her, but the other option was worse.

But what many people did not realize is that this Fake-Ass Email actually had morsels of truth. As long as you read between the lines of a very bad writer. Ok, strap it on folks and here we go:

“Let me tell you this. And you can tell everyone else this. The boy isn’t gay. He is the farthest thing from it.”

First off all, unless you want every person who reads this to think that Taylor is gay, that is the stupidest shit you could ever write. We’re well aware Taylor’s not gay - but writing this as the first line in a fucking cover-up email screams GAY PUBLICITY STUNT. Whoever wrote it, kick them to the curb Sham Patrol.

“The girl he is with, which I know but won’t mention her name”

Of course you won’t. See, this is the attempt at seeming like they’re “respecting her privacy”..instead….

“they are mad about each other.”

What’s that Beav? Dudes don’t talk like this. Mad about each other? Show me a man that talks like this. Imagine your husband or boyfriend saying these words. Exactly.

“This girl is an absolute class act.”

Ted, that was an unfinished sentence. Clown. You forgot the last word. Class act Clown.

“She is a very articulate,”

Meaning she doesn’t shut the hell up.

“well accomplished news anchor.”

4am baby!

“Also a classically accomplished pianist.”

In fact, in high school she won an award . I did a keg stand in high school. You wanna hear about it? Anyhow, these lines “news anchor” and “pianist” is where they totally suckered the Soul Patrol. Because of course every little Soul Patroller with google ability googled: news anchor pianist.

Now do me a favor, google that and what’s the FIRST thing that pops up?

Ohhhh.. Look at that! It’s Caroliar! This move was semi-smart. It made some folks think they really found her name on their own while Ted respected her privacy and they were really special.

“This is exactly what Taylor has been missing in his life.”

Yes, yes this charade is exactly what he needed. A fake girlfriend. Swell. Life has really been great since. Check out the numbers. Ok, this is where they really started screwing themselves by laying it on way too thick. This screamed

“Taylor and I have spent the last two years of our lives together and my friend was burnt out from the road and TV.”

And this is where he’s trying to sell you the deep brotherly bond thing that they share, so fans will think “oh well if he says this, wowsers it really must mean something!” If Bill wrote this, it might work but since Bill wasn’t fanclub famous yet–it wouldn’t have worked.

“After they met, the old Taylor came back.”

Yipee! According to Taylor the old Taylor was an asshole. Yay. We’re thrilled. Gimme the new Taylor please.

“She is the type of person who will push Taylor to bigger and better things.”

She is the type of person who would push Taylor off a fucking cliff if he was blocking the camera.

“She is not some good looking bimbo”

Got that right. Cuz she’s not good looking period.

“who is with Taylor because he has money and is famous.”

But here, we’ve now confirmed that the Beach Marine was a good looking bimbo who was after him because he had money and was famous. This is serious projection here. They knew damn well when people saw those beach pics the first words that popped into their minds were: “ho”, “piece of ass”, “lesbian”. Right here is where they wanted to erase that image from peoples minds asap. She’s no ho! She’s a pianist. She’s a good girl! Really.

“I haven’t seen my boy this happy in a year.”

He just got set up, I’m sure he’s thrilled. And stop calling him boy–now you’re starting to sound gay.

“So all the fans need to chill out and be happy for for once.”

This was a case of when you do something bad to someone and then you get angry at them before they get angry at you.

“And the photos were not a set up.”

We’ve now confirmed the photos were set up. What’s the big deal? I don’t understand this. John Mayer even admitted Jessica Simpson was constantly setting his ass up. Who cares!

“The only people that knew he was going to Maui were a couple of close friends.”

And the photographer dude.

“Some asshole spotted him and took those pictures.”

Damn right. Because Beach Marine mapped it out for him. Laying on the beach was her idea. She was pretty slick, planned it weeks in advance and shit.

“Anyway the fans need to get real.”

Totally agree. That’s what we’re doing now.

“The guy has gone over and above to please everyone and people are still not happy.”

Yeah he even got himself a fake ass girlfriend so the grannies wouldn’t blow their wads over the Beach Marine Scandal.

“He has given his fans access to himself more than any artist I have ever seen. It is still not enough.”

Again guilt because we’re totally fucking you in the ass right now. Make you guilty before you see that we’re guilty.

“And as far as the casino thing, he has nothing to due with that. That is a management issue. Tours are not easy to put together and they are based on availability and location.”

The only thing I know about a casino was that Beach Marine hangs in them.

“So people need to get off his back about that as well.”

Because with Caroliar and Ruff Ruff hanging on there’s no room for anyone else!

“We love all the fans, but people are starting to get out of control and it really saddens me.”

This is love? Who wrote this email anyway? You should feel really stupid.

“All I ask is that everyone just be happy for our boy and let him breath a little.”

AKA stop asking questions.

“If everyone can do this, you will let the man be happy and in return you all will benefit from better songs and more intense shows.”

This statement maks me ill for some reason. It’s like some kind of bartering deal. Again, fire the person who wrote this email!

“I love you all and please take what I have to say to heart. We are all in this together.”

Oh you totally just buried yourself with this line. I am totally screwing you and feeding you bullshit. Let’s jump in the sea of shit head first!!

“Take care,
Tedneck.”

Redneck.

And here’s proof that Ted sent this wonderful piece of literature:

On a side note, nice freaking sundress. Midwest….here I come! Really, can you imagine the woman on the beach wearing this? We didn’t think so.

Oh, oh and one of these things has meaty ears and again a giraffe neck, different hair texture, style, face, angular features etc….one of these things does not. Wha?

Alas, and one on these things is 7 inches shorter…

Next.

While we were looking into the Operations of the Sham Patrol - we got whiff of this extremely effective concept the Sham Patrol was using readily. And it was free–unlike the photoshop guy!

Here’s how it works (seriously we can’t even make this shit up) :

Crew members would buddy up with unsuspecting fangirls, ones who frequently post on boards and were quite vocal in their community. They would then share  “inside info” with them such as oh, “Taylor’s in Milwaukee”, “Taylor’s catching a plane to Milwaukee”, “Taylor and Caroliar are VERY serious”, or whatever rumor they needed to keep their sham alive and served their purpose. The fans (all nice cool people) would believe that they were being confided in and were being told the truth. Then like clockwork, one person would tell another and as usual it would spread like wildfire and all doubts would once again be temporarily squelched. Mission accomplished. What an effective means of spreading lies. Damn. Gotta hand it to them. Conspiracy? Um, kind of. And dang it, more good karma!

Maybe if he gets real and stops trying to impress the Church ladies, God will send it!

(WTF? 3200 hits by 12pm EST - we must be doing something right!)

Prepare yourself folks for the possibility of a slew of newly planted “It Must Be Real” sightings and miraculously appearing photographs courtesy of the Sham Patrol–all of course with the intention of trying to convince us that no, no, it’s really not a sham–Caroliar “Where’s That Camera” Lieders just grew on the beach, became suddenly hot and when shipped back to Milwaukee she became short and fugged out once again. Um. Prepare yourself for denials from Taylor’s close buddies in an attempt to convince you that Caroliar and Taylor are very much in love and serious. Or camera angles are very deceiving. Hmm. Or maybe they’ll set up an interview and he’ll talk about how he’s engaged to Caroliar? Maybe they’ll release a sex tape? How about a new blog? Or… Oh I know! Maybe they’ll stick the Giraffe in Lake Michigan or the Atlantic, put her in an identical black bikini as The Beach Marine, snap away and send us the pics the Splash photographer knows nothing about? Or make it easier on everyone and digitally create them. Anything is possible. But I sure wish they wouldn’t bother.

Taylor you are released! Seriously. Bill said so. You’re freeeee!

A step ladder?

Photos from splashnewsonline.com